DEA Just Says No to Cannabis Re-Scheduling

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Of course, you realize...[/caption] I am hopping mad. It shouldn't be a surprise that the DEA has decided not to reclassify cannabis- I mean, how will they ever keep the lights on at their offices, strip clubs, or at their buddies' prisons if they stop requisitioning helicopters and SWAT teams to destroy the cartels of 81-year-old cancer patients and so on? But after the voters of 25 states and our own District of Columbia have all voted for at least some form of medical marijuana to be legalized, it is a surprise. At this point, the DEA's stance is like that of a petulant child, so mad about their sister stealing their gas station ice cream that they refuse to get in the damn car so we can get to the beach already. And you are working our last nerve, Jimmy. As I see it, the DEA needs cannabis legalization just as much as we do. They need to stop wasting valuable resources. They need to de-escalate the tension between law enforcement and everyday Americans. And as an extension of our government, their policy should reflect the will of the American people- if it doesn't, then who do they and who does our government really serve? Ha! I'm Joshing you, we all know the answer to that question. But I promised not to rant this week. I gave it a "For Realsies," and that's tantamount to chiseling it into a black, alien obelisk in the middle of a desert. So I won't. This ain't my beat, anyway, I'm LOCAL cannabis news. If you want to see what nationally-known folks have to say about this slap in the face, I highly suggest you check out the Marijuana Times' excellent summary from DMV local and all-around awesome lady, Chloe Sommers. I will protest instead. DCMJ is holding a protest tonight (it was pushed back due to today's nasty swamp heat advisory) outside the White House. If you're angry about this decision, like I am, then come out and join us tonight. There will always be a good reason to say 'no.' Tonight, I'm asking you to find a way to say 'yes.' Now, I never said anything about not letting DCMJ rant, so here's what they have to say, officially:

The Obama Administration's DEA is TONE DEAF on cannabis reform, so tonight our demonstration will feature #ToneDeafKaraoke We will poorly sing ballads of reform, like the Obama Administration's DEA has poorly reformed America's cannabis policies. We will insult the ears of everyone at the White House like they are insulting every American that believes in rational drug policy. Here we are, 43 years and millions of marijuana arrests later, and we being told that cannabis is still as dangerous as heroin. WHAT THE HELL?!?! The Obama Administration's DEA thinks Americans should go to jail for a non-toxic plant. WE THINK OTHERWISE! We are going to take our outrage, anger, shear annoyance and we are going to make some noise! If you don't want to sing, bring your pots and pans so Malia will hear you! We've heard rumors angry activists may even throw their cannabis plants plants, seeds, and even lit joints over the White House fence. THAT IS NOT ALL.... We are calling for a mass-mobilization on Saturday, September 24, 2016. We are not going to sit by and let Obama, Hillary, or Trump get a pass on cannabis reform! The Time is NOW! WHO: You, your friends, and everyone you forward this to! WHAT: EMERGENCY LEGALIZATION DEMONSTRATION AT THE WHITE HOUSE WHEN: TONIGHT, Thursday, August 11, 2016 at 8:20pm WHERE: 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. NW, Washington, DC, North of the White House WHY: The Obama Administration's DEA is out of touch with the American people's demands for cannabis reform and need to be told that cannabis should be removed entirely from the Controlled Substances Act NOW! CLICK HERE TO SPREAD THE WORD ON FACEBOOK!

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You're adopted, Jimmy, that's why we love her more. Now get in the damn car.[/caption]